1. |
Entry 1: Vulnerability
04:13
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My heart is outside
All of my insides are inside out
All hidden things are visible
Now I am vulnerable
With responsibility we count our secrets, tie them to our veins
With dignity we shout our triumph, in hopes to mask the break
I watch to see if they notice my skin disappear
Oh how tired I am of sleeping in my fear
If they see me this way, I'll be uncontrolled
Without the layers of protection, I feel so cold
Shivering in anxiety, frozen in my spine
But I desire the possibility of freedom in the outcome
The reassurance is subtle and the benefit uncertain
But my shelter is broken and I like the view out here
So I take my heart outside and turn my insides inside out
All hidden things are visible
Now I am vulnerable
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2. |
Entry 2: Compassion
04:32
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Taking notes on your expressions
Imaging from another mind
The walls are caving in this tunnel
Uncovering the depth of sight
Lock my eyes and fix attention
Collapse with you under the weight
I’m making noise to end the silence
Unguarded love with no restraint
I see you through the window
Fracture in the painted glass
You’re close enough to almost become
I break the space to meet with you
The gain in altruistic patterns and distances I’ve never been
Is found when all that truly matters is joy we learn in selflessness
I see you through the window
Fracture in the painted glass
You’re close enough to almost become
I break the space to meet with you
For when we hold the sufferer
We will mark the universe
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3. |
Entry 3: Envy
04:42
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I am an outsider, messing with color outside the lines
They have the last puzzle piece
The one that I always seem to misplace
The threat is suffocating
Burns vast like wildfire
I pull out my armour and dig my heels in hard
With my defences ready I cover up my eyes
Half a smile protecting
I will not loose my pride
They walk so easy
I climb the steeper path
Your elegance in breathing gives me a heart attack
I am who I am, who I am, it's who I am
I pretend to face the argument of choosing love above myself
But I've screamed along with sirens, nobody came to help
You are acknowledged
Journey on higher ground
I'll admit you're smarter
Your confidence profound
I am who I am, who I am, it's who I am
I am not chained to who I am
I can see past where I stand
Magnify difference as freedom we hold in our hands
I know the truth
I lie in grace
I fight myself in empty space
My roots grow so much deeper
But underneath your feet, I have no true perspective
I am who I am, more than who I am
I am not chained to who I am
I can see past where I stand
Magnify difference as freedom we hold in our hands
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4. |
Entry 4: Anxiety
04:52
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This doorway is an entry to a mind game for my body
My lungs can't keep up breathing with my heart's uneven beating
This is uncontrolled and violent panic in the silence
The aggravated pressure I swallow in surrender
I ask one more time to hold me down
My knees are weak, I brace the ground
Escape to dimming vision void of conversation
I've let out all that's inside me, but I'm screaming into nothing
I ask one more time to hold me down
My knees are weak, I brace the ground
Is anyone here listening
My voice is lost from whispering
What could make this easy
What could make this easier
I drown in loud attack and wait for the sunrise
The voices soon will end
Dust will reach the earth
I'll find rest
The delicate reply takes truth by surprise
My beggar sound is heard
Dust will reach the earth
I'll find rest
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5. |
Entry 5: Wonder
03:48
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6. |
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The moment I fell in focus
I watched the fading sunlight saturate time
Bleached out all other noises
Now I cannot get this off of my mind
I'm falling fast
No distance will outlast how I love this way through all time and space
Helpless to kicking up dirt as my feet mark the ground in declaration
I'm falling fast
No distance will outlast how I love this way through all time and space
It always unfolds behind my eyelids
I see it ending and reappear
Nothing could stop me from reckless chasing
Not days or the years
All the time in the world couldn't take this away
How I love this way
I'm falling fast
No distance will outlast how I love this way through all time and space
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7. |
Entry 7: Depression
03:56
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8. |
Entry 8: Disappointment
03:39
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Get me out of sync with the beat of this mundane life
I want more
I always want more
But I'm never more
Because my skill and my passion won't meet
I let myself down again
Or so I made myself think
I'm waking and breathing and crying and singing
And forcing the ink in my pen
Stuck in this repeat
I'm dragging my feet here again
Trying to write to give purpose to life
But I think that I will never win
I've made it through half of a year
I was so much stronger before I knew better
And could live inside my own skin
Just get me out
I'm drowning asleep in my tears
Alright just enough to get out of my bed
But sometimes I wish I wasn't here
I’m a little better each day
Still chasing the dream but I break easily
When I look the opposite way
Just get me out
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9. |
Entry 9: Hope
03:52
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I’m at a limit for sadness I can take
I need a minute to settle in this place
Everywhere I go, I’m stuffing lies down my throat
Everything I know is lost in pessimistic noise
Holding out, I can see morning even when I’ve been blinded by day
Let my kingdoms fall and turn me to ashes
Hope is the last word to win anyway
I let it in
Throw me in fire and I’ll walk right through it
I lost the pattern but trust in the unseen
I worry less about it, the calculated mind control
But, hope, I will hold to when I collapse and let it go
Holding out, I can see morning even when I’ve been blinded by day
Let my kingdoms fall and turn me to ashes
Hope is the last word to win anyway
I let it in
Let it in and out of my skin
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10. |
Entry 10: Doubt
03:29
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I think that I should have this figured out
What will make me happy
Everything I think I love, I never do
It doesn't make me happy
I'm just tired of chasing thoughts and making plans
When I just give up on them
I'm so exhausted from the expense of feeling so inspired
I know that it's crazy to be so sad about what you will make of your life
But it matters to me more than anything
I fluctuate between trust and doubt depending on the weather
I guess that I thought I would know by now what deserves my effort
I know that it's crazy to be so sad about what you will make of your life
But it matters to me more than anything
Ya, I know I'm good, but it's never enough
Ya, I know I'm loved, but it's never enough
I can't be okay when I know what I'm missing
I just wish that I could figure out what will make me happy
I just wish that I could trust that you're enough
Enough to make me happy
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11. |
Entry 11: Apathy
04:48
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I lost the feeling in my thought but I’m not sure when
I think I maybe just forgot to care about it
I paralyze my energy to keep a flat line
This dance feels likes slow motion but I’m in real time
I’m not inside of my head but I have not left it
I'm unaware of the threat that I am avoiding
I watch their smile turn to laugh, but I just hear nothing
I should wanna know where I am, but I just feel nothing
I look the same as always so I must be alright
But I don’t recognize the beat that’s keeping me alive
I’m not inside of my head but I have not left it
I'm unaware of the threat that I am avoiding
I watch their smile turn to laugh, but I just hear nothing
I should wanna know where I am, but I just feel nothing
I just feel nothing
I know that I need it
I lean in a feel it
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12. |
Entry 12: Love
04:09
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I know the way I pull and release
I know the way you take hold of me
Love ain't living for free
That is not just belief
Nothing could make me not want to stay
You’re everything good and right in this place
And it's all I can see
You are all that I see
I fight off myself in the way of you
Cause in comparison I want to lose
Anything that could separate me from you
I don't want to know a day without you
All of my shadows are gone in the truth
When you presently speak
You're all that matters to me
I’m talking words until I know you hear
All other million things disappear
It's not a mistake that I am truly awake
I fight off myself in the way of you
Cause in comparison I want to lose
Anything that could separate me from you
There isn’t a word enough to capture the image of
What the world is like when you see the light
I’m gonna love you
I’m in it with you
I fight off myself in the way of you
Cause in comparison I want to lose
Anything that could separate me from you
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13. |
Entry 13: Courage
05:23
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I’ve been in my head rearranging the repertoire
And reviewing my thoughts though the windshield of moving cars
I’m making it all clear so I don’t miss anything
Cause I get lost in me and burn every escape
I know myself better when I let you tell me
Cause I enjoy ruining the depiction of progressing
I call it all off with illusions of compromised authenticity in the back of my mind
I march toward uncertainty
It’s convincing me
I secretly wish for it to just make sense
But I wear a blindfold and expect the opposite
I’m coming to terms with the construction in my skull
And every adjustment will loosen my control
I march toward uncertainty
It’s convincing me
The flood of my identity in violent recovery
I'm leaving it all behind
To know truly I’m satisfied
I swallow the things that haunt me
When I complicate you talking
I know I don’t a thing
I’ve confidence accepting
There is still fear in me
But I’m ready
I can’t give it up yet
Im in it till the end
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